INHERENT WORTH

You know you're enough. You've read the books. Maybe you've even done therapy. And yet, you still freeze when your boss criticizes you. You still scroll Instagram at 11 p.m., cataloging all the ways you don't measure up. You still apologize for taking up space, for having needs, for being too much or not enough.

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The gap between knowing you're enough and feeling it? That's where most of us live. And it's exhausting.

 

SO WHAT IS INHERENT WORTH? 

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It's the feeling that you matter, not because of what you do, but because you exist. Your value doesn't come from performance, achievement, approval, or productivity. You're not a resume. You're a person. And people thrive when they're accepted completely, without conditions.

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Psychologists call this "unconditional positive regard" (Rogers, 1961). It is the feeling that our value or importance does not depend on performance, achievement, approval, or productivity. It's the idea that people thrive when they're accepted completely, without judgment or conditions. 

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Think of a time when someone loved you with no agenda. When you didn't have to be charming or impressive or useful. When you could just... be. Maybe it was a grandparent who lit up when you walked in the room. A teacher who believed in you regardless of achievement.. A friend who sits with you without trying to fix you. No advice. Just observation, compassion, and presence.

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Unconditional positive regard is love without performance. And this is what we need to learn to give ourselves. It means witnessing all your parts, even the messy, anxious, forgetful, or fearful ones, without asking them to leave the room.

 

When children receive unconditional positive regard, they internalize a quiet, unshakable truth:

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I matter because I exist, not because of what I do or who I become.

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If we didn't receive that? We spend our lives trying to earn something that was always ours to begin with. The good news: we can give it to ourselves now

 

Here's the thing: knowing this intellectually doesn't change how you feel in your body. We have to build the bridge between knowing and feeling it.

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The beautiful part? Once you see the pattern, you can't unknow it. You can't change what you received. But you can change what you give yourself now.

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It's hard work. It feels weird at first, almost selfish. But it's also the most important work you'll ever do.

 

Because inherent worth isn't something you achieve. It's something you remember.

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REFLECTION QUESTIONS​

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These questions aren't here to fix you. They're here to help you understand your story—where you learned to doubt yourself, and where those patterns still show up now.

You don't have to answer them all. Pick the one that makes your chest tighten. That's the one asking for your attention."

 

1. When do you feel most comfortable being yourself?

2. When did you start feeling like you had to change, hide, or try harder?

3. What did you learn about having needs growing up?

4. Which needs feel hardest to ask for now?

5. Where do you make yourself smaller to keep things easy or calm?

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Practice 1: Morning Mirror - Teaching Your Body What Your Mind Knows

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Our body learns through experience, not explanation. 

 

What to do: Stand in front of a mirror. Before you speak, ground yourself:

• Feel your feet on the floor

• Take three slow breaths

• Put your hand on your heart

 

Now look yourself in the eyes. Not at your hair, your skin, your perceived flaws. Your eyes.

Say aloud: 'Good morning. I see you. I'm here with you.' Or try: 'Good morning. You matter to me.'

Say it twice. Maybe three times. However many times it takes to land.

 

Notice what happens in your body:

• Does your throat tighten?

• Does your chest constrict or soften?

• Do tears come?

• Does relief wash through?

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Practice 2: Reparenting Your Younger Self

Find a quiet spot and get comfortable. Take three slow breaths. Let your shoulders drop.

 

Think of yourself as a child. A specific moment when you felt left out, misunderstood, unseen, or unimportant. Don't overthink it. Just notice what memory shows up.

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Pay attention to your body. Where do you feel it? Your chest, throat, stomach, shoulders? Place a hand there.

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Now speak to your younger self. Not in your head. Out loud, even if it's a whisper. What did you need to hear then? What do you still need to hear now?

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Maybe it's: "You're not too much." "Your needs aren't a burden." "You don't have to earn love." "I see you. I've got you. You're safe with me."

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Say it slowly. Let your hand stay on your body, feeling the vibration of your own voice. If it feels right, wrap your arms around yourself. Take a few slow breaths.

 

Stay for a moment. When you’re ready, gently open your eyes.

 

Why this helps:
Your body responds to care right now, even if the hurt is old. Speaking kindly to yourself helps your body settle and feel safer. When you offer compassion to your younger self, your body receives it now. Use this anytime you need comfort or reassurance.

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